


I Will Never Forget

by thenaughtypixie



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, First Time, M/M, Merthur - Freeform, canon AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-18
Updated: 2013-07-18
Packaged: 2017-12-20 14:25:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/888308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenaughtypixie/pseuds/thenaughtypixie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At the Masquerade Ball to celebrate King Arthurs victory, he makes a decision which will affect his and Merlins life forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Will Never Forget

**Author's Note:**

> This is set between series 4 episodes 'His Fathers Son' and 'A Servant of Two Masters.' I got the idea for my story from the moment in 'A Servant of Two Masters' when Merlin is injured and Arthur stays with him in the forest, at one point Arthur places a hand to Merlins chest, to check his wound, but it is such a tender moment and the way they look at each other is almost as if a secret has been broken. Especially the way Merlin looks because its almost like he is saying “Why are you touching me like this? We were never to speak of that night again” and that’s where the idea came from for them to share just one intimate moment together, that will never compare to anything else, that they will never forget but that they can never speak of again. This is unbetad so all mistakes are mine.

The throne room had never looked more colourful. Banners hung from the ceiling and banquet tables lined either side, servants working quickly to place the food and drink down, space rapidly running out on the table. The room gradually filled with people, all wearing their most fancy attire, all disguising their faces with bejeweled masks. It was the masquerade ball that Arthur had promised, following his victory over Queen Annis.

As the room was almost full and the music started from the far end, Arthur and Gwen entered the room, Gwen in a beautiful burgundy dress, a golden mask held up to her face with a trembling hand. Arthur squeezed her other hand slightly and smiled at her through his golden façade. They walked elegantly to the middle of the floor as the people bowed at Arthur and were courteous to Gwen, knowing she would be their Queen one day.

People began dancing to the vibrant music, not for a long time had the halls of Camelot sung with such joy. Arthur pulled Gwen close to him as she smiled, turned and rested her head on his chest. They moved to the music and Arthur clung on to her as if he never wanted to let her go. But his eyes betrayed him. His eyes were searching for someone. Someone who was missing. As he turned Gwen round gracefully amidst the spinning dancers all around him, Arthur spotted the one person he was searching for. Merlin.  
He was standing near the doorway looking slightly lost and confused. He had a long dark blue jacket on and a silver mask propped on the top of his head. Merlin smiled at a passing servant girl but she just ignored him and walked right past. He sighed and walked further into the room, scanning the area for any lonely girls who needed a dance partner. Not for the first time that week, Merlin glanced in Arthurs direction and caught his eye. 

Arthur almost stopped moving for a moment then remembered who he was with and pulled Gwen tighter to him. He span her round, but as much as he tried to be with her, he just wasn’t there. He felt a lump in his throat, tried to move them to the back of the room but then the music faded out as the feast was to begin.  
Gwen finally let go of Arthur, whispering, “I wish we could have stayed that way forever.”

Arthur looked into her deep brown eyes that were so kind and hated that the next words he spoke to her were a lie, “So do I.”

People took their seats and soon the room was just as noisy as when the music was playing. It was hard to know where to begin there was so much food to choose from! Arthur watched as everyone tucked into chicken, vegetables and fruit, all consuming far too much, all self-involved, all destracted. Even Gwen had struck up a conversation with a pretty serving girl next to her, admiring each others dresses, laughing and smiling in the happy atmosphere of the celebration.

Merlin was seated not quite opposite Arthur as a rare privilege the King had allowed all servants to join the feast in celebration. Merlin looked over, his mouth full of bread and attempted a smile at Arthur. Arthur rolled his eyes and Merlin shrugged, continuing to tuck in to the food all around him. It was funny Arthur thought to himself, for such a slim man to eat so much! 

Eventually the musicians were encouraged to strike up the music once more. Arthur stood up and all the people followed, bowing their heads in his honour.  
Arthur raised a glass, “For Camelot!” And the room echoed the sentiment twice more before the dancing and laughing resumed.  
Arthur went to take Gwens hand to dance again but she had made such a friend with the serving girl that he didn’t interrupt their conversation.  
But Gwen looked briefly towards him, her eyes shining and mouthed, “I love you.”

Arthur smiled back, knowing that they would dance again before the evening was over.  
Arthur walked across the floor, smiling at all the masked faces who greeted him, inwardly wishing he could escape the celebration, be invisible for just a while. He found a quiet corner and stood, watching from a distance the joyous dancing, the yellow, blue, purple, green and white dresses spinning round and round. Gwen was laughing with her new friend and people were admiring her and how beautiful she looked in her dress, one Arthur had given her just that day.

Suddenly someone bumped Arthurs shoulder. He turned to see Merlin grinning at him. “She looks beautiful doesn’t she?”

Arthur replied softly, “Yes.”

Arthur turned to face Merlin properly, “You do know this is a masquerade ball, why is your mask on your head?”

Merlin replied, “Its scratchy!”

But Arthur pulled it from the top of his head and let it spring onto Merlins face.

“Ow!” Merlin protested, rubbing his face before he adjusted his mask slightly.

Arthur saw him then as a light shining, lighting up the entire room. He saw that Merlin was unlike anyone around him. The delicate silver mask was encrusted with tiny sparkling stones, ones which could be chipped out of the rocks at the bottom of a nearby river. It must have taken Merlin ages to make. Arthur imagined Merlin sitting in his simple bedroom, quietly and patiently sticking the stones on with wax. The stones reflected in his eyes which seemed more blue and luminous than ever.

Arthur swallowed, worried he had stared too long.

“Arthur?” Merlin said, looking directly at him, a slightly concerned look on his face.

Arthur briefly looked at his people, the room seemed suddenly more alive than ever, Gwen now dancing with the Knights in turn, each eagerly awaiting their chance to have her on their arm. Arthur was happy to know that the celebrations could continue even if he disappeared.

Suddenly and swift as the wind, Arthur grabbed Merlins hand, much to his surprise, and led him out of the door, unseen by the laughing people in the hall. Wordlessly, Arthur walked with Merlins hand tight in his, Merlin swallowing hard, neither of them daring to speak until at last the sound of music and laughter were so distant it was as if Camelot were just asleep and that they were the only ones still up.

Arthur had led Merlin right to his chambers. Pulling him inside he shut the heavy unguarded door and then released his hand as suddenly as he had taken it. They both stood there breathless for a moment. Nothing shattered the silence that lay between them. The only sound was the rhythmic breathing from Merlin, his stance at once glued to the floor but also ready to run.

Arthur dared not breathe, just stood there motionless until the words finally slipped from his mouth in a whisper, “I just had to be with you.”  
They hung in the air, Arthur longing for those blue eyes to not look afraid, for Merlin to say something in return. But nothing came.  
Arthurs heart sank suddenly and he muttered, “I’m sorry, you can go.”

But Merlin stood there, not moving an inch. “But I don’t want to” he said finally, his voice slightly cracking.

Arthur moved towards him, flinging his mask off as he approached Merlin. Merlin gulped. Arthur gently lifted the mask off from Merlins face, throwing it carelessly to the floor where it lay next to Arthurs. A silver and golden mask entwined upon the floor, glittering in the soft candlelight glow.

So close was Arthur to Merlin now yet he didn’t feel afraid. This is where he had to be.

“Take off your mask,” he whispered.

Merlin frowned slightly and looked towards where his silver mask lay on the floor. He looked back at Arthur as Arthur insisted, “Take off YOUR mask.”

Merlin finally realized. Arthur knew. He let his eyes flash golden for just a moment, and saw a relief and understanding wash over Arthur.

“All this time?” he said quietly to Merlin.

“Yes”, he replied softly, his blue eyes shining with tears. “I didn’t think you would understand.”

Arthurs eyes now shone too and he said quietly, “I always knew, somehow.”

Merlin smiled gently , feeling as unburdened as Atlas when he was finally turned to stone.

Arthur captured Merlin by surprise as he kissed him softly, hand entangled in his hair. “Arthur..” was all Merlin could manage to gasp out as they moved with each other, back and back towards the cold stone wall, kissing more intensely now as the moment overwhelmed them both. Merlins heart had never beaten so fast before, and he held onto Arthurs face with his long slender fingers as Arthur continued to kiss him like his life depended on it.

Finally they parted, breathless and flushed, neither daring to utter a word yet wanting to say so much. Then they did what they always had. They laughed. Their shining eyes connected but it didn’t last because they were kissing again. It was like they couldn’t breathe unless they were together and it was like nothing Arthur had ever felt. He never felt like his heart was about to burst when he kissed Gwen, when he lay with her as they shared a bed. Arthur knew in that moment that he loved Merlin, more than he thought possible because nothing would be shut away, he wanted him to have all of him, to know him, utterly, desperately, completely. Arthur had never been more sure of anything in his life.  
Merlins mind was a tangled mess but this, now, this moment felt like the stars exploding all around him, that he himself would explode if he didn’t give himself to Arthur, give all of him, utterly, desperately, completely. This shared emotion united them as their kiss became more urgent and when they parted once more Arthur moved to undo his trousers. Merlins heart raced not out of fear but desperation.

Arthur stood naked before him, Merlin still with his back to the cold wall, but he looked nowhere but into Arthurs eyes that betrayed his fear and sudden uncertainty. Arthur was worried he had moved too fast but Merlin placed a hand along his jawline to reassure him and whispered breathlessly, “I need you”.  
Arthur traced a finger along Merlins cheek as Merlin frantically removed his neckerchief. It fell gracefully to the floor as they resumed their kiss, this time Arthur using his hand to explore the beauty of Merlins collarbone, his pale skin a light in itself, illuminating the room as much as the candles were.

Arthur pulled away to rest on his shoulder for a moment and Merlin held him close, his hand on the back of Arthurs head as they both fought to catch their breath. Slowly Arthur lifted his head as Merlin raised his tunic above his head in one simple movement and threw it to the ground to accompany his neckerchief.  
Then everything began to race. Their desire could burn at this pace no longer and Merlin carefully pulled Arthur towards him, feeling him hard against his leg, knowing there was no turning back but not caring because there was nowhere else he would rather be.

Arthur span Merlin round, his head resting for a moment against his pure flawless back, hands moving up and down gently, picking up the beads of sweat that had accumulated, feeling his own body get hotter just at the thought of touching him, feeling him. There was an urgency, a hunger about the moment that neither of them could explain, just that they couldn’t live if they let this go but there wasn’t time for slow caresses, , after all, they could be caught at any time.

Merlin turned to kiss Arthur as he undid his trousers and let them fall ungracefully to the floor. He kicked them away, breathless and whispered, “I’m not scared Arthur.”  
Arthur knew they had no time, knew he would be missed at some point during the evening and wished he had all the time in the World for this moment. But then his hunger was such that he let the whole World slip away apart from Merlin. It was just him and he needed him more than air.

Arthur said, “I need…” as he placed his fingers in front of Merlin but before he had even finished his sentence, Merlin had taken Arthurs fingers in his mouth, moistening them quickly before Arthur gently pulled them out and he leaned into Merlin as Merlin leant against the wall, one arm acting as a barrier as he braced himself.  
Arthur was so worried he would hurt Merlin, that he would stretch him open too quickly but as he placed a finger gently at his entrance and then slowly wriggled inside, he felt a wave of energy rush over him as Merlin breathed out. Arthur continued his journey inside then dared to place a second finger and a third before he heard a wince of pain and immediately made to stop until Merlin turned round and said, his face pink, “Please don’t stop, I need you…I need all of you…”

Arthur responded, his face red and flushed, “But I don’t want to hurt you Merlin.”

They looked at each other then and Merlin replied, “You won’t. I trust you.”

Arthur took Merlins mouth with his, a kiss at once gentle and fierce and once they separated, Arthur slicked his own fingers up and once more began to explore inside Merlin, every movement with care as he started to thrust so lightly with his fingers and Merlin began to squeeze his eyes shut, just the thought of Arthur touching him like this was enough to make him want to shatter.

Arthur slowly pulled his fingers out when suddenly, Merlin twisted his arm back to wrap around Arthurs waist, pulling him forwards roughly. Arthur didn’t hesitate as he kissed Merlin on his shoulder blades and he gently placed his hand in Merlins, his other arm braced against the wall.

Slowly, oh so slowly because Merlin was his glass statue, his delicate ornament that he would not break no matter what desire compounded his body, Arthur entered him, and in that moment, they were one as they were always meant to be. They steadied themselves for just a moment as they both emitted a breathy gasp. Merlin squeezed Arthurs hand and he moved slowly at first before building up speed as Merlin rocked back into every thrust with an urgency neither of them could understand. It was like they were a two-piece puzzle that had to be completed, even just once. They moved together as one, breathless and panting, wordless but connected in every way possible. Their fingers entwined, , Arthur leaning into Merlins back as Merlin squeezed his eyes closed as he became dizzy with pleasure.

Arthur never wanted this to be over. Unlike his nights with Gwen, there was something powerful about this that he knew he may never experience again and a sudden sadness overwhelmed him. He tried with extreme effort to slow his movements, to make it last but it was almost impossible. He was taken over by his desire, his love for this man, his friend and every instinct in him was telling him to go faster and faster, to remember how this felt.

Merlin shook with pleasure, the sharp pain at first now a distant memory as he felt nothing but a trembling deep within, like every second was made for him, letting him know how much he was desired, loved. Merlin couldn’t control himself and he moved faster and faster with Arthur, forgetting the awkwardness of his position.

And yet still through all this they held hands, almost impossibly, but they held on tight like it was never meant to end. The pleasure peaked but didn’t burst it just kept peaking and peaking every breathless movement more rough and desperate than the one before and they held each other tightly as at last Arthur came inside Merlin as he himself shuddered to his own climax.

They stood for some moments, catching their breath, not wanting to turn, to look into each others eyes and see a change there. When their bodies had stopped trembling, Arthur slowly pulled out and they gently let their hands slip from each others. Arthur bent to the floor and pulled his trousers back up.  
Merlin used magic to bring his clothes towards him and in a few seconds was fully dressed once more. He slowly turned to face Arthur and was relieved to see the same shining blue eyes looking back at him and if possible, they betrayed more love for Merlin than usual. Slightly embarrassed, Merlin looked away and had no idea what to do next. Arthur pulled on his shirt and went to sit on his bed.

The flickering candlelight seemed duller than before as an awful reality suddenly over took them.

Arthur muttered, “ We cannot speak of this.”

Merlin nodded, making to leave but Arthur gets up and grabs his hand.

“It will always be you…and me…and I will never forget this.”

Arthurs eyes had never looked more sad and Merlin replied, “I will never forget.”

And they stared at each other for a long moment, still so many words unsaid, still so many wishes to be made, still wanting to understand what they had experienced but in the end they knew; they loved each other. It was as simple and complicated as that.

 

Arthur slipped back into the celebrations and found Gwen still dancing with the Knights, this time it was Gwaine and he seemed reluctant to let her go when he saw Arthur. Teasingly Gwaine made to move across the hall with Gwen in a lame attempt to pretend kidnap her but Arthur smiled half-heartedly and went across to take Gwen from him. Being a good sport Gwaine obliged with a cheeky bow and resumed drinking with Elyan and Leon.

A beautiful uplifting tune began to play and Arthur remembered; he had to dance with Gwen one last time tonight. They moved together, seamlessly spinning, music filling their steps and they smiled at each other before Gwen sighed and squeezed Arthur to her.

“You do love me, don’t you?” Gwen asked unreservedly but with a slight sadness in her voice.

Arthur swallowed hard and he whispered as he caressed her soft curly hair, “Of course…”he paused as he looked towards the back of the hall to see the tall, dark-haired figure of Merlin standing there and their eyes locked in a secret moment and Arthur continued, “…I love you…” and his eyes stayed fixed on Merlins.


End file.
